Quality Time

This morning i'm not working and i'm spending my quality time talking to both of them.

I miss your guys. Especially my Ms. Motivator.

wolves in sheep's clothing

I find myself in a weird state of mind today. Working a really weird schedule that has me working all hours of the day\night with different days on and off. Somedays I don't know if I'm coming or going. As I saw the beams of light shooting out over my neighbors house I thought of them as rays of hope. Like God was giving me another sign that I shouldn't worry about things during this season of my life. With all things, this will pass. I believe it. I also am finding out that some of my so called friends are wolves in sheep's clothing. Some are not what they appear. Some run their mouth and speak of the word but I have to wonder if they are but fools just giving me lip service.

I know in my heart and soul what is right. I have been pondering my next steps in life and Photography themes are coming to light. I love to draw\draft that's a new thing that i've discover but actually discovered by my only brother - Nadime .Maybe a new path in positive environmental impacts is my new future. I'm being urge by Nadime to undergo this course
LEED certification - (Leadership In Energy and Environmental Design) he said it's extra
bonus for my new job.

I'm burning my hectic day by having a long conversation with Ms. Motivator thru MSN.
She does make me laugh thru the conversation. All the conversation was just perfect without involving any feelings. Thank You Ms. Motivator.

New Lesson

My "motivator friend" doing what she loves to do, writing a book. She's young but she's highly mature than me. I get to know her from 1st visit in Aus. She's motivate me in many way even especially during my sickness and i am really bless with that. In life, you find that sometimes you have to step out on a ledge, take a leap of faith and other times you are forced to do things you don't particularly want to do or deal with. I have been thinking about a good friend of mine whose mother is in Hospice care. It is never an easy thing to deal with, knowing that your parents or parent is getting older and their health is failing. I will also have to deal with this issue at some point in my life and after I thought about it for a while I questioned how I would handle it. To be honest with you, I'm not sure. I do know that it will be difficult and one of the toughest things I will ever have to do.

After my lesson with Robertson, I photographed him just flying around at the beach. During my lesson I thought how important it was to listen to everything he said because your life depended on it. Difficult at first, but through time, it can be mastered. I also know it is like that with everything in life. Photography, relationships, births, deaths and even jobs. I put the cameras back in my hands and felt at home. Just as he did as he popped that glider right up, turned into the wind and took off out over the ocean. It was awesome. What a feeling, to fly.
Yes we all have wings, just some of us don't know why.

Went to canberra - I got the job! I got the job!

Endless Rejection

Be good to yourself , be good to others. Find out what makes you happy in life and do it. My brain has been in a fog of endless rejection letters or over qualified\under qualified emails as of late, yet I forge ahead. I have purpose and I have skills. My 5 year spinnings & photographys plan for my business may have been too aggressive. Time for a revision to that plan. Time to market more and get my work out there. But I also know that I have to be realistic and let it build through time. In the mean time, I multi-task and continue to bust through the jobs boards applying for what I can do for others and hope that some employers realizes I can make a difference in their business.

I find that if you do the same as others you follow. If you march to the beat of your own drum you will be followed. Some may throw things, some may dance and sing along, some may talk you down, but yet they will follow...So, for now,

let it begin.

ASPAH AINI ISHAK

I don't even know how to start this particular blog. Should i apologize? or just let it blown by itself?

Dearest : AAI.
You've been in my heart this few months, and you are apart of my life
those few months. By now you should now. How i react?. But i don't blame you.

We are sooo apart from each other even a few months ago we are " ONE" in our heart. We even can sense each other feelings even we not together and we had a so called border a thousand miles. But those was a few months ago.

About all those messages. It's not me that sent it to you. I never would downgrade my self and insult my feelings that i have towards you. Why should i?. I can just spill all the bad things and make it as a reason to break-up with you. But by now it's not even important as both of us drifting away. By now i believe any explanation just not importance anymore.

For you to know: I am remembering you as a good thing that ever happened in my life.

from the orphanage.

Attracts

Ask, believe, and get ready to receive. Not a hard concept at all, but not everyone understands the law of attractions. Happy people attract other happy people. Positive attracts positive. But do not forget that negative attracts more negative also. (stay away from that)You have to make things happen in your life. You have to ask for it. You have to believe it and in it, really believe. Then you have to receive it. The secret to life is not as hard as you make it out to be sometimes. Never give up and believe in yourself. I have so much to be thankful for and I have a lot of good things heading my way. Just like this morning going to the beach. It was later than usual. I saw how bright it was and the clouds moving and said, I'm going to the beach anyway. Sure enough, as soon as I got down there, the clouds moved over the sun so I could get another incredible shot. 3 min later it was so bright again, you couldn't see anything. Take that chance, step out over the ledge and jump with a smile on your face.

This one goes out to Bill, the fisherman I spoke with this morning.

To Someone: I never regrets attracted to you virtually. I am never.

I am happy

The feeling of love is so terrifying and exciting at the same time. Feeling something so powerful but being so out of control of that feeling. Sometimes it's wonderful, and comes at the right moment and sometimes it flies in at the worst time possible and you find yourself upside down and unable to right yourself. Either way, it's powerful, and either way you have to decide which direction to turn to. Pursue or walk. There's no in between, and despite being under the false illusion that there may be, there really is no "safe" place inside any of that. When you walk you feel small, insignificant, and incredibly lonely. When you pursue it you feel alive and important, yet still so incredibly lonely. It doesn't make any sense, but it is what it is. And when you figure that out, you are free.

Bad things happen to good people, and good people move on.

I think it's crazy that no matter how many movies have the same ending they can still be amazing. Even if you can completely guess what the ending will be, you can still watch without being bored because so much in the middle is completely different. It blows my mind.

I had fun today. I got sunburnt but I was so happy all day and it was beautiful.
Now though, I just want to sleep for a few days and forget a few aspects of life that are completely stressing me out. I don't need that right now. I wan't that stuff to turn it's back on me and leave me alone so I can have a peaceful life with no drama and no pain. Just sun, swimming, happiness, and only people I care about.
That is exactly what I am longing for.

I am more happier now.